How To Get The Boy of Your Dreams
by Predominantly Normal
Summary: Tweek walks into school like a completely new student, and now half of the student body wants him. Clyde assumes that Tweek is on Cartman's new marketing ploy; a business to get the girl... Or guy of your dreams, and thinks that Tweek is after BeBe. Boy, is he far off. Stolovan and Creek. HOLY SH!T, I FINSIHED IT! :D
1. Walking the Walk

**I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK**

_Author's Notes:_

_-Just an Idea for a Romance/Humor fic._

_-Ships Galore! Creek, Bunny, Stolovan, Tyde, Style, and any others I can come up with. _

_-If you're by any chance reading any of my other stories that aren't finished, I haven't completely abandoned them. I promise._

_-Dad thought I had school off today, which I don't. So I had A LOT of time to write._

_-Review, Please!_

* * *

What. The. Hell.

Those were my exact thoughts when I seen Tweek Tweak walk into my ninth-grade math class.

He looked like a completely different person. In a good way, though. His usually wild blonde hair was straightened and the spikes that went up looked more purposeful. Tweek shook and prevented himself from reaching up to yank on it as everyone's eyes widened and their jaws dropped. His face wasn't so pale anymore and he stood up straight, looking much more confident than I was used to. A dark green hoodie with no buttons clung to his lithe frame and charcoal jeans covered his legs. Tweek also apparently bought a new pair of shoes, black converse that had a star on the side. Even the teacher raised an eyebrow.

Just before I went to ask who stole the real Tweek Tweak, our teacher asked first.

"Er- are you in the right room, Mister?" The teacher asked, trying to keep her baffled tone to a minimum.

"I- I think so! Arg!" Tweek said nervously.

"Your name...?" Our teacher asked skeptically.

"T-Tweek! My name's Tweek Tweak!" The blonde boy shouted.

"Tweek?" Our teacher cocked her head.

"Yes! I've been in your class for at least six weeks!" Tweek yelped.

"What did you do to yourself?" The teacher asked. "I mean, you look really different."

"I -Urk- went to the mall with -Gah!- Butters and Cartman!" Tweek said cheerfully enough.

I fumed silently. Tweek always brought me along when he went shopping for clothes. Why Cartman? Something was definitely up.

"... You look much nicer, Tweek. Now sit down." The teacher said.

Tweek scurried to his seat and plopped down, ripping out his school notebook and began copying the math questions that the teacher was writing on the blackboard. I, however didn't even pretend to work, and instead staring at my best friend.

"Craig Tucker! Do I need to give you a demerit?" The teacher squawked.

"No, Ma'am." I groaned. For the rest of class, I pretended to write numerical equations in my notebook.

Finally, the blessed bell rang, signaling our lunch time. I picked myself out of my chair and trotted over to meet Tweek. As we walked down the crowded hallways, eyes turned and stared at the new Tweek.

"Cartman never told me there'd be all this... Staring. Do I have something on my face?" Tweek fretted.

I cast a glance at Tweek's face which was now level to mine without his back being hunched over. "N-no." I stuttered, turning away as a hot warmth crept up on my pale cheeks.

"Oh thank God!" Tweek sighed.

We walked into the lunch room and took a seat at our table which was also residential to Jimmy, Clyde, Token, and Kevin. Neither of them had any classes with Tweek before lunch, so they were naturally surprised at his new appearance.

"W-Wow, Tweek. You look good, very much." Jimmy said.

"Yeah Tweek looks really...-"

"Different. But in a really good way." Token cut me off. Which was actually a good thing because I probably would've said something stupid like '_Delicious_' or something. As embarrassing as that is.

"Yeah." I said a bit to quickly.

"Th-Thanks! Gah!" Tweek beamed. An embarrassed blush appeared on his face as he nervously rubbed his neck.

"Hey, Tweek." I began, "Can you hang out tonight?"

"Urk!- I'm so sorry, Craig! I'm hanging out with Cartman and Butters! Arg!" Tweek twitched furiously.

"Why?" I asked. Okay, maybe I shouldn't pry, I mean, Tweek can have other friends. I don't want to be too possessive. I mean, it's not like he's my boyfriend or anything. Oh Jesus...

"C-Cartman said that he wanted to hang out! I didn't want to be mean, especially when he -Arg- helped me get these clothes..." Tweek rambled, twiddling his thumbs.

"Oh... I see." I replied lamely.

"Well, if you're not hanging out with Tweek, you can stay over Token's with me and Kevin!" Clyde sad cheerfully.

"Uh... Okay." I shrugged. Clyde sure liked hanging out with Kevin anymore. They were almost inseparable since seventh grade when they had a big argument about whether Star Wars or Jurassic Park was a better movie.

"Cool! Is five okay?" Clyde asked.

"You never asked for MY consent, Clyde." Token huffed in annoyance.

"Oh. Yeah. Is five okay, Token?" Clyde asked.

"Fine." Token sighed.

My mind drifted off into a blurry haze as the day passed at an agonizingly slow pace. Once five o'clock finally rolled around, I packed up my stuff and headed to Token's. His house was awfully far away and the only thing to ride besides my bike would be Ruby's Dora the Explorer Electric Road Ranger. I didn't want to look like a complete dork, but I also didn't want to actually bike a half-mile. Asking for a ride was out of the question; My parents took Ruby to a ballet competition in Alaska, or whatever and wouldn't be back for at least six days.

After much self-debate, I finally decided to take the Road Ranger. Of course, I wasn't going to ride it as it was. The whole thing was a bright neon pink with flower stickers adorning to sides and a Dora the Explorer logo on the front. I was NOT going to deal with that as my ride. I grabbed some washable black spray paint and covered the thing, even the purple wheels. With the miniature jeep finally pimped to my liking, I checked the battery power and drove it out.

Now, I know that the Road Ranger might've looked sort of cutesy, but don't be fooled; that thing drives at at least fifteen miles per hour. So there I was, a fourteen year old boy riding down the streets in a mini-car that was only two feet tall. I got some looks, but this was a place where the adults had probably already seen this sort of thing.

Once I'd finally made it to Token's, I parked my 'vehicle' and walked up to the front door. I knocked on their new knocker, a lion's head. How cheesy. Token opened the door and greeted me gratefully.

"Oh thank god you got here." Token sighed, taking a backwards glance at Kevin and Clyde who were in a slapping fight. "They fought over the game we were going to play."

"What games? I'll be tiebreaker." I decided.

"Kevin wants to play Halo and Clyde wants to play Fossil Fighters PRO." Token explained.

"Halo." I said stoically, walking in.

Kevin and Clyde were still in a heated battle, slapping at each other like girls. I sighed and grabbed Clyde's collar, effectively dragging him along with me as I set in the Halo 4 disc.

"Halo? You traitor!" Clyde hissed at me.

"Yes! And Stoley takes the cake once again!" Kevin cheered.

Clyde began to cry for the seventh time. Every time. Every time. To snap him out of it, one would just have to do the insanely fun and easy task of slapping him in the face. Like so.

SMACK

"..."

"Better?" I asked, positioning my arm to slap him again.

"No!" He whined.

"Be careful, Clyde-y boo. I'm more sthlap happy than a gay guy." I said, using the stereotype that all gays lisp.

"I mean- yeah! I'm totally fine!" Clyde said quickly.

"Good." I replied, letting him go.

Token distributed controllers and we started playing on Forge Mode. And I was making a complete troll of myself going about and deleting all of Clyde's creations. After nearly an hour, a knock came from outside.

"Oh! Pizza's here!" Token said.

You know how they say that guys don't care about anything? That is a complete lie. If someone says 'Pizza' then we go nuts. Immediately I stopped shooting Kevin and sprung up, along with Clyde and his friend. In point-five seconds, we were all positioned at Token's door, watching as he paid the pizza guy (and giving the lucky bastard a handsome $30 tip).

"Who wants first piece?" Token asked.

"Me! Me, me, me!" Clyde begged.

"Okay, here." Token sighed, passing Clyde a piece of pepperoni pizza.

I went second and Kevin went third. Finally, Token grabbed his own pizza. We all sat around the pizza box, eating with one arm propped on the counter for support.

"Hey, didn't Tweek look strange today?" Kevin asked, trying to spark a conversation.

"Yeah. He looked more normal." Clyde shrugged. "I seen the jaws drop personally."

"You think he's trying to impress someone?" Token asked calmly, taking a swift bite out of his pizza. "Now that he's all cleaned up, he doesn't look half bad, actually. And I mean that in the most heterosexual way possible."

"Yeah. I seen him ogling at Wendy a few days ago." Clyde responded. "Now that he looks more well-kept, he actually might have a chance."

Something in the deepest darkest pit of my stomach boiled painfully. "I don't think Wendy's the kind of girl Tweek'd be after." I said with grit teeth.

"Yeah, I can't see them together either." Kevin sighed. "Maybe BeBe. I think he has a chance, y'know?"

"I wonder if BeBe would get ticked off at his mannerisms, though." Token shook his head. "She got ticked with Clyde after he bought he the wrong shoes, for god's sake."

"Hey, those were Blue Pandora Collection 84! They cost a small fortune!" Clyde muttered in annoyance. "She's gonna tear Tweek to pieces."

"We can't let Tweek fall into the grasp of that- that- witch!" Kevin declared. "Come on, young Padawans! We must defeat Darth BeBe!" The boy pronounced, holding his pizza like a lightsaber.

"Hiya! Yah! Kya!" He said in enthusiasm, hitting us with his pizza so that the red sauce splattered in our faces and looked like blood.

I took it upon myself to use Eric Cartman's line.

_"Goddammit, Kevin."_


	2. Sleep-Talking

**I DON'T OWN SOUTH PARK**

_Author's Notes:_

_-Haha, I soo suck at writing slash. Whatever. I try._

_-Please, guys. I know I'm not the best writer and that there are much better Fanfics to review on, but really. _

_-I'm actually thinking of maknext the next chapter in Tweek's POV. Tell me if you wanna see what Tweekers is up to. c: _

* * *

_I glanced around. Apparently, I was in Tweek's room. Sleeping in his bed. Now this wouldn't be odd in the slightest considering how many times I'd snuck through the window to comfort him. But back then, Tweek had a shirt on. _

_Tweek was curled into me, his head settling in the crook of my neck. The Hell kind of dream is this? Erk- did I say dream? _

_"Tweek?" I looked nervously._

_Tweek's eyes fluttered open and he glanced at me. "Hi, Craig."_

_And then he leaned up and kissed me. Let me say that again. Kissed. Me. I wanted to scream and run away, but Dream-Me had other plans. _

_"Tweek.." I warned._

_Tweek didn't seem to catch the message, ad instead began trailing my jawline. Dream-Me tilted his head back slightly._

_"Tweek, s-stop! Tweeeek!" I said nervously._

_Tweek still didn't listen, running his hand through my hair and going down my neck. Dream-Me was apparently having a nice time, because he didn't reel away. _

_"Tweek, stop it!"_

_"Tweek!"_

...

I was shaken awake by none other than Clyde Donovan. He was snickering loudly. Behind him, Token and Kevin were also smirking, although they still had the decency to cover their mouths.

"What?" I asked, an embarrassed blush covering my face.

"Well, I was waken up by you sleeptalking Tweek's name." He said.

"Um..." My face flushed even redder.

"Tweeek... Tweek!" Clyde mimicked, stifling a bout of laughter.

"Looks like Craig here has something for Tweek..." Token said slyly. Black asshole.

"Sh-Shut up!" I whined pathetically. "I don't like Tweek." I said more forcefully.

"Or do you?" Kevin asked.

"I don't."

"Or do you?"

"I don't!" I hissed slightly irritated.

"I will use the force to get the answer out of you!" He threatened. To me, it was a hollow threat. Boy was I wrong.

"Try me." I said sharply.

Kevin leaped on top of me, sending me to the ground. He somehow had grabbed a green lightsaber and began smacking me with it. I would get up, but he was sitting on his knees on top of my chest. He hit me hard with the plastic toy.

"Ow!" I yelped.

"Well?" Kevin asked expectantly.

"Stop it, Dude!" I screeched, trying to shake Kevin off of me.

_SMACK, SMACK, SMACK._

"Ow, that flipping hurts!" I bit my lip. "Stop!"

"No!" Kevin yelled, smacking me again.

"Kevin, get off." Clyde murmured. "I can't have you killing Craig."

"Fine." Kevin said, a disappointed note in his voice.

I sat up, rubbing my aching head. "Kevin, you bastard!" I hissed. "Plastic stings!"

"The force!" Kevin corrected.

"Oh Jesus, Kevin." Clyde grumbled.

I sighed, glancing at Clyde. He was wearing cyborg dinosaur pajamas. What. A. Dork. I swear, if the rest of the student body knew that he wore those, no girl would ever date him again, no matter the shoe-bribery.

"But really, dude. That was funny." Clyde grinned.

"Not for me!" I barked back.

"Come on, guys. Leave him alone." Token said. "However, speaking of Tweek, we have a mission, remember?"

"Oh yeah! I can't believe he's drooling over BeBe though!" Clyde said. "That is my woman."

"She only broke up with you seventeen times." Token huffed.

"Precisely!" Clyde flashed a cocky grin in my direction.

"So what're we gonna do?" Kevin asked.

Clyde set his thumb to his forehead. "I don't know. I guess we have to see what BeBe thinks of him first." Clyde decided.

"How would we learn that?" I asked.

"Call her; duh." Clyde looked at me like I had a mental disorder.

"Sound cool to me!" Kevin squeaked cheerfully.

"Yeah, let's do it!" Token grinned.

I don't know, but something about that really irked me. Tweek and BeBe. Gross. So. Freaking. Disgusting.

"Um... Yeah..." I agreed dumbly. Stupid brain.

Clyde dove out of the room and returned shortly with a phone. He dialed BeBe's number and waited for the dial tone. Setting it on speaker, Clyde waited for BeBe to answer.

"Hello?" BeBe's voice rang over the line.

"Hey, BeBe." Clyde said.

"If you're just going to come begging back to me again..."

"No, no, no. It's not me this time." Clyde said, slightly hurt.

"Then who is it?" BeBe asked skeptically.

"Y'know my buddy, Tweek?" Clyde asked.

Just after he mentioned the name, several shrill screams filled the room, making the us cringe in pain. Apparently, BeBe had some friends over.

"Squeeeeeeeeeeeee!" The girls screeched.

"Girls, Girls, calm down." Clyde said.

"Oh my God!" BeBe squeaked. "Tweek is so adorable!"

"Yeah." Clyde agreed awkwardly. I instinctively raised my fist. "But you know, he once sang Brittany Spears in nothing but his undies!" He tried making Tweek sound less desirable. Sadly, it had the opposite effect.

"Squeee! That sounds like, so adorable!" BeBe gushed.

"Um- yeah. Sure." Clyde said nervously. "Well, I just wanted to tell you that... Erm..." Clyde paused before nearly screaming: "Tweek's in a relationship with..." His brown eyes looked all over the room before stopping. On ME. "CRAIG!"

Silence. Real mother-trucking smooth, Donovan.

"So, uh, stay away from him!" Clyde said before hanging up.

My heart stopped. Happiness exploded in my chest for some reason and at the same time, I was fuming at Clyde for pairing me up with Tweek. Even worse was the fact that I didn't know if I was supposed to be happy or sad. I just had this really airy fluttery feeling in my chest, and a deep sinking, nervous pit in my stomach. And that could only mean one thing. I had a crush on my best friend.

_Shit_.


	3. Duck-Faces and Nosebleeds

**I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK**

_Author's Notes:_

_-Thanks for reading this slack-off story, first of all._

_-I WILL include the other ships. I just have to figure out a way to worm them in._

_-WARNING: TWEEK DOES THE DUCK FACE._

* * *

I've never been one for denial, but it's not like I was just gonna go: "**MY NAME IS CRAIG TUCKER AND I HAVE A CRUSH ON MY GUY BEST FRIEND!**"

Yeah. No.

"You _had_ to pair me up with Tweek!" I screamed.

Clyde shrugged and patted me on the shoulder. "Because you have a crush on him anyhow."

"I do not!" I argued back.

"Do too." Clyde grinned cheerfully.

"I do not!"

"Guys, guys!" Kevin broke our heated argument up. "Come on. We have more pressing matters to deal with." He said sharply.

"Yeah." Token agreed. "We gotta see how bad Tweek has is for BeBe!" He said.

"And how're we going to do that?" I asked, grinding my teeth at the thought of Tweek scribbling 'Tweek+BeBe' in his art notebooks.

"We're gonna have to check his room, of course!" Token grinned.

And just like that, we ran out into the freezing Colorado temperatures in nothing but our pajamas. It was really, really cold. And even worse; it had apparently rained earlier because my Road Ranger's paint was washed off. Token and Kevin smirked at my ride. Clyde full out laughed.

"Dude!" Clyde chirped.

"Whatever. Token, you're driving." I hissed.

"I'm fifteen!" Token barked back.

"Too bad."

"You drive!" Token pouted, handing me the keys.

"Why? I'm fourteen!" I scowled.

"Because you're Tweek's boyfriend, not me." Token smirked.

I flipped him off and hopped in the front seat, turning on the ignition. Token's family was rich enough to buy a limo, NASCAR racer, or a helicopter. They usually took a nice Jeep instead though. I drove over to Tweek's place, my stomach broiling at the things I'd see.

"Wait!" I said quickly. "What if Tweek's home?!" I stalled uselessly.

"He isn't." Clyde said cheerfully. "Just texted him and said that the local Cream dè Lorné was going to be closing forever. He's not going to be back for hours."

I sighed heavily. Cream dè Lorné was Tweek's favorite coffee shop. But because it was too expensive, and maybe because he worked at Starbucks, he didn't get it much. If he thought it'd be gone forever, he'd be there in a heartbeat trying to buy as much coffee as possible.

"Oh... Wonderful..." I hissed sarcastically.

We got out of Token's rich-person car and raced in the doors. I was like a family resident to the Tweak household so I had a key. All four of us ran into Tweek's room and began to search, looking through drawers and notebooks. Nothing.

"There's nothing here." I said almost gratefully.

"Oh, wait! Look, it's his phone!" Kevin grinned, wiggling the iPhone in my face. Tweek's phone had a Starbucks case. How predictable.

"It's locked." I said bluntly. "I tried every kind of coffee in the books."

Kevin still flicked it to the lock screen and began typing on it furiously, saying each of his attempts aloud.

"Mocha? No. Erm-coffee? No. Triple-shot latte with Carmel rims and whipped cream? No..." Kevin scowled.

It took me a few seconds to realize that I was scowling too. How did Kevin know Tweek's favorite kind of coffee? That was something I thought only I knew.

"Here lemme try something!" Clyde smirked, yanking the phone away from Kevin cheerfully. "_C-R-A-I-G._" He spelled aloud.

Yeah right. Like that was gonna-

"It worked!" Clyde cut my thinking off and effectively made my jaw dislocate itself. "Come on, lets look through his pictures!"

"He's no stalker." Token hissed.

"Yeah." I agreed, my voice dripping with involuntary venom. Jesus, what was wrong with me?

"Oh come on! He has to have at least ONE picture of his dream girl." Clyde murmured, sliding through the pictures. "I mean really. I had like, thirty hanging on my wall and- OH MY GOD!"

Clyde's sudden outburst made me jump, along with Token and Kevin. I narrowed my eyes and looked at the picture Clyde was so intently staring at. And he had a perfectly good reason to stare, too.

"Holy Shit." I muttered, looking at the photo.

It was of Tweek. He was wearing a purple sweatshirt that said 'Drop The Bass', and neon green skinny jeans. It wasn't what he was wearing, however, that stood out. It was what he was _DOING_. Tweek had bent at the hips with one hand resting on the slender curve, bending his knees slightly. His hair was nicely done and his face was out into the most heinous of all poses for guys to commit: The Duck Face. Somehow, though, it didn't look half bad on him.

I blushed heavily as Clyde flipped through pictures of Tweek taking selfies. In one picture was Butters and Cartman, so at least I knew he wasn't doing this on his own. One picture of the thin boy made me go over the edge.

Tweek was just sitting there, tipping an energy drink at the camera lens. He had one eyebrow raised and a sly smile pulled on his lips. He didn't have a shirt on, either. Somehow, that made me blush harder, if even possible. Suddenly, I felt a dripping feeling in my nose. Kevin whipped around and hissed.

"You drooled on me...-oh!" He said, glancing at my gigantic nosebleed.

"Holy shit!" Clyde grinned, looking at me as well. "Craigie's blushed so much he got a nosebleed!"

I sloppily shoved my hand over my nose and tried to run out of the room. But I bumped into something, sending me reeling backwards.

"_Tweek_?!"


	4. May The Forks Be With You

**I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK**

_Author's Notes:_

_-I might just keep this whole story in Craig's POV_

_-ARG. I just re-read everything I've written up to this point and it's atrocious. If I wasn't so lazy of a person, I would re-write all of it. _

_-I stole the forks idea from __Fairly Odd Parents. __I am SUCH a loser._

_-Thank you for dealing with my idea of 'a good story' and actually reading to the fourth chapter._

_-I will TRY and keep the characters more in their personalities. It just sort of slips, you know?_

_-Enjoy!_

* * *

Let me explain the basics of how this turned out since you probably don't want to hear every one of Tweek's frantic theories on how he killed me. Apparently, Tweek, Butters, and Fatass decided to have some fun with Tweek's iPhone camera. Sure enough, he showed us pictures of the baby hippopotamus himself. Although, he still wouldn't explain why it was MY name that happened to be the password. Not that I'm complaining, or anything. Thankfully, I didn't have to waste any energy beating Clyde senseless because he decided to keep his mouth shut for once. So let's fast forward just a little bit to where I was bleeding out my nose like a Los Vegas fountain.

"Oh sweet Jesus, I killed -Gah!- you when you bumped -Arg- into me!" Tweek shook like he stuck his finger in an electrical socket. "I'm a terrible -Gah!- friend!"

"Calm down." I demanded, rolling my eyes. "It's just a nosebleed."

"And you seen -Gah!- the pictures! I looked like a fourteen year -Arg- old Dos Eques!" He shrieked.

"Well when you put it like that..."

Clyde took it upon his lucky ass to smirk and begin his death sentence. "Don't worry, Tweekers. Craigy here is just all shaken up because of those photos you took with Cartman."

"Shut up, Donovan." I hissed, my nasally voice even more monotone because of the paper towels covering my nose. "Unless you want your ride home to be in a hearse."

"Um, actually, I think I'm good." Clyde said in a small voice.

"Thought so." I muttered, allowing Token to rip away the towel and give me a fresh one.

Tweek jittered around and threw his hands into his hair and giving the pale blonde roots a strong pull before settling down again.

"If I killed you -Ngh- then that means I'll hafta go to -Gah!- juvy! Then, the government will capture me -Gah!- and force me to live in solitude for the rest of my -Arg- life!" Tweek muttered under his breath. "I can't do the time, man!"

Why did I like this kid again?

Tweek shuddered from under me and gripped my shoulder. "You won't let them -Gah!- do that, right?" He asked, hazel eyes boring into my flesh like a begging puppy.

Oh yeah. That's why.

"No, Tweekers." I said stoically. "I think the bleeding's stopped."

Clyde yanked away the paper towel and nodded. "Alright, you're good." He said sharply. "Just get some good rest and drink plenty of fluids."

"Since when did you learn medical?" Token asked, pressing his thumb to his forehead.

"Never." Clyde shrugged.

I rolled my eyes. Clyde is such a weirdo.

"Come on, we have no time to stray on such innocent of conversations!" Kevin said, holding some of Tweek's silverware in his hands. "Keep your mind sharp and-" he quickly handed all of us forks. "May the forks be with you!"

"Goddammit Kevin." I hissed, throwing my fork back at the Starwars obsessed boy.

"Get it?" He asked cheerfully. "Forks, force?"

"You are so lame." I muttered. Token nodded in agreement before throwing his own fork at Kevin. Clyde on the other hand, grinned and leapt up, brandishing his fork like a weapon.

"I take your challenge, Darth Kevin!" He announced.

Soon, the two were in an all-out fork war. Token and I watched with slightly amused faces while Tweek took it upon himself to hide in the corner, waving his fork at the air for 'self defense'.

"We have idiots for friends." Token said bluntly.

"Yes we do." I agreed, watching Clyde pretend to cut his arm off.

Tweek was in panic mode level seven, beginning to edge towards the house phone in case he needed to dial '911'. I decided to keep us from getting arrested and breaking up the fight by grabbing Clyde's shirt collar and dragging him away.

"Come on, Luke." I sighed, dragging him outside into the snow. "You can have Starwars reenactments where there isn't a paranoid kid who'll call the cops on you."

"But-but-"

"None of that crap." Token muttered behind me, toting a cross-armed Kevin.

"You guys are no fun." Clyde pouted, allowing himself to be dragged like a two-year old in Walmart.

We hopped in Token's jeep and drove back to his manor, taking extra fine caution not to run over the stone lions in his yard. Yet again, cheesy as hell.

"My parents got into Harry Potter." Token explained, reading my mind.

"Harry Potter? You disgust me." Kevin snorted, opening the door and hopping out.

I sighed and walked into the driveway, picking up my Road Ranger and throwing it in the back seat.

"What the hell?" Token scowled.

"I am NOT driving this home." I replied.

We walked inside Token's house and after three more hours of video games, decided to leave our friend some peace and go home. Thankfully, I stole Token's car keys to drive myself home. Not so thankfully, when school starts tomorrow, he's probably going to kick my ass.

Oh well. Three hours or so of _Tekken_ will take my mind off of my predicament. Or more.


	5. Green With Envy

**I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK, BUT IF I DID, IT WOULD MAKE ME SOOO HAPPY.**

_Author's Notes:_

_-Holy backstabbing penguins, I actually made it to chapter five! _

_-I love Craig's dream sequences. _

_-It's burning me to have stall the mushy stuff. (Albeit, I'm no good at writing mushy stuff in the first place.)_

_-Thanks for reading! (And a review'd be sort of nice, but whatever.)_

* * *

_I look around me carefully. This time around, I'm in a hallway. Tweek is staring at me angrily for some reason. I squint my eyes and tilt my head, my own movements slow and sluggish. Tweek's hazel eyes have red brims and it looks like he'd been crying. The smaller boy finally speaks up. _

_"A Fag, Craig. He -Arg- called me a Fag and you don't even -Gah!- care!" Tweek hissed, the corners of his mouth turned down. _

_I looked Tweek over with hazy vision. He had on a pink sweatshirt that said 'Hot Stuff' and tight jeans. _

_"Of course I care." I replied lucidly, trying to reach out and comfort dream-Tweek. "Who called you that, again?" _

_Tweek screamed and whipped around, making it a point to shove his middle finger in my face. God, Dream-Tweek is feisty. I slowly followed, lumbering after him like a drunk due to the hazy quality of the dream. _

_"Tweek, slow down! Or stop! Something!" I demanded, walking like there was jell-o up to my knees. _

_"No!" Tweek shot back, walking away with ease. _

_"Fine. Leave me." I hissed, turning away from him. I began walking back away, easier than trying to walk to. Whatever, it's not like I care if dream-Tweek's ass gets made fun of. _

_"You know what -Gah!- Tucker? I will!" Tweek screamed, turning away. My vision returned to the scrawny boy who made a deal of walking away. Another figure intercepted him, resting a hand on his shoulder kindly. If I squinted hard enough, (which made no sense considering I was dreaming) I could see BeBe. I clenched my teeth and screamed loudly, flipping off the two. _

_"Stay away from him, Stevens!" I yelled to the two. _

_BeBe turned and gave me a sideways smirk before disappearing. Tweek hesitantly followed casting one last sad glare before following BeBe into the void of darkness. _

...

"Mr. Tucker!" I jolted awake from my sleeping position in my math class.

"Y-yes?"

"What is the square root of 144?" She barked.

I racked my brain. I know that by ninth grade it should be automatic, but I was still a little groggy.

"Um- seven?" I asked, eyelids half open.

"No." My teacher set a hand to her forehead. "Mr. Tucker, I'd like for you to get some extra tutoring. You look like you'd need it."

"No I don't!" I blubbered quickly.

"Great." She said with a sickeningly sweet smile, "Then you and Mrs. Testaburger can get aquatinted after school when she catches you up."

"What?!" I barked.

"Okay, class. Now on to number four..." My teacher rambles on. I look around to shoot Wendy a death glare before turning to the board.

After a few more excruciatingly long minutes, we finally finish. I grabbed my things and caught up with Tweek who had just been saying goodbye to BeBe.

"Hey Tweek." I said sharply. I was almost afraid that it came out to harsh.

"GAH!" Tweek screamed before slapping a hand over his mouth and sighing. "Sorry, man. Don't sneak up on me like that, though!"

"Sorry." I said.

"I-It's cool, man. I'm just -Ack!- really jumpy lately." Tweek murmured before spiking his hair backwards.

"Oh really? I haven't noticed." I said with a small frown. Why hadn't I noticed?

We walked in silence to the lunch room, where we took a seat at our ritual lunch table. Kevin and Clyde were whispering among themselves while Token glowered at them out of the corner of his eye. I took a seat at the table, earning myself a few half-hearted greetings and a hand motion.

"Ack! Get out of my -Um- way?" Tweek shouted nervously.

I turned around only to see Tweek Tweak shove one of the goths backwards. The goth grunted angrily before flipping his bright red hair. "Conformist." He spat under his breath. I tilted my head confusedly.

"Tweek? Did you really just shove a goth?" I asked as he sat down at the table.

"Um- yes?" He replied, twiddling his thumbs and taking a large drink of coffee.

"The same ones you said were 'scary as shit?'" Clyde added, a baffled expression on his face.

"Yes? I mean -Ngh- no! I mean, m-maybe?" Tweek stuttered. He seemed happy enough with his answer.

"Dude, are you okay?" Clyde asked, a worried tone in his voice.

"Fine!" Tweek shouted loudly.

"If you say so." The brunette muttered, tuning his attention back to Kevin. Token huffed impatiently before turning away and sourly eating his bread roll.

"Ay, Twitch!" A heavy voice called from behind them. "Get your tiny ass over here!"

Tweek let out a bedraggled scream before pressing a hand to his mouth and obliging. I only realized then that I was clenching my fist and gritting my teeth. How DARE Cartman say anything about his ass! Oh wait... That doesn't sound right, does it?

"I want to come with you." I decided, standing up.

"Um- I'm r-really -Urk- sorry, Craig! You -Gah!- can't though." Tweek said quickly, pressing me back down.

"Why not?" I scowled. Was Tweek hiding something from me?

"Because, Craig!" Tweek whined

I hissed angrily and returned to my seat. Clyde and Kevin were talking furiously on about some movie.

"I heard it's supposed to be super funny!" Kevin said childishly.

"And awesome!" Clyde grinned ear-to-ear.

"What movie are you two assholes talking about?" I asked blankly, flicking a kernel of corn at Token.

"That one with the talking dogs!" Clyde yipped.

"Air Buddies?" I looked at them skeptically.

"Uh-huh! I'm going over Kevin's tonight to watch it." Clyde smiled warmly to his friend. Kevin's mouth tugged itself into a crooked smile before his eyes darted to Token.

"I thought you always enjoyed hanging out with me on Mondays." Token said with an exasperated tone and a mini-death glare at Kevin.

"I thought I'd leave you without all the taco meat staining your floors tonight." Clyde muttered thoughtfully.

Token let out a huff and snatched his book of the table, flipping it to a random page and beginning to read. Too bad the book was upside-down. Token had to try and look as unsuspicious as possible flipping his chemistry book. Figures.

"I wonder what Tweek's up to." I said nonchalantly, trying to spark up a conversation.

"You would care. Considering you're Tweek's boyfriend and all." Clyde snickered. I narrowed my eyes and took in a deep breath before replying.

"Whatever, Donovan. At least I'm not going all gay for captain Storm Trooper over here." I snorted.

Kevin's face tinted red in embarrassment and Clyde grinned cockily.

"Well me and 'captain Storm Trooper' over here are watching a movie about little talking dogs. Be jealous." He snorted, wrapping his arm around Kevin's shoulders.

"I'm green with envy." I rolled my eyes. Token a actually DID look green, however.

After a few more friendly insults and small conversations later, the bell rang signaling for me to go to history, science, choir, and then super-fun study time with Wendy. Yay me.

Guess I have something to look forward to.


	6. Wendy Freaking Testaburger

**I DON'T OWN SOUTH PARK** (If I did, everything would be all weird...)

_Author's Notes:_

_-This went WAYY to fast for my liking, but you can decide. Yourself_

_-CRAIG AND TWEEKERS IS SO ADORABLE_

_-Thank you for reading this awkward story, bros! That goes to reviewers and favorites, too. You all get tiny cupcakes._

* * *

"Okay, more on the vibrato, altos!" Our choir instructor, Big Gay Al instructed.

Okay let me just put it out there that I absolutely SUCK at singing. I mean, really. My voice only goes in one basic monotone. Also, I get the pleasure of standing next to Stan Marsh in choir, and Al never remembers which is which.

"Stan, sweetie, you need to put more emotion into it." Al coaxed, although it's actually directed at me. "Let your heart soar with the music!"

I rolled my eyes and TRIED to better mumble our musical numbers, which just happen to be from Disney movies. Like Hell if I'm gonna let anyone hear my singing. Marsh next to me, however, likes to be the loudest, most obnoxious kid in choir. Lucky me.

Finally we finish the ninth-grade rendition of 'Wicked' and I'm allowed to go home. Or to study time, but same thing almost. Just as I walk outside the door, Al stops me.

"Craig, sweetie?" I turn around and glance at Marsh, who just shrugged before walking over to Al. "No, no. Not you, Marshie." Al cooed sweetly before beckoning over to me.

"Yeah?" I look at Al expectantly while he took out a clipboard.

"Look sweetie, I see that you're not quite enjoying this class, but I'd love to keep you here." He said. "On the other hand, I might have to move you to Study Hall if you don't keep up."

"Okay." I replied, shrugging.

"You're okay with that?"

"Yep."

"... Okay then." He dismissed me with a wave of his hand.

I nodded and walked to my math room where I'd be having tutoring with Wendy Freaking Testaburger. Now it's not like I HATE Wendy Freaking Testaburger. I just don't LIKE Wendy Freaking Testaburger.

I shoved the math door open and glanced around before my gaze fell on an unamused Wendy.

"Late." She scoffed.

"Sorry. Gay Al kept me." I replied calmly, taking a seat across from her.

"The choir teacher? You're in choir?" She looked at me with a baffled expression. I shrugged and nodded, taking out a marker and drawing a smiley face on the back of my hand.

"Uh-huh."

"I didn't know you sing." She replied cheerfully, swatting away my marker.

"I don't." I grumbled. Shouldn't we be working on math?

"Hm." She looked away thoughtfully before pulling out her phone and snapping a picture of my face.

"Hey!" I scowled, the tips of my eyebrows touching. "Aren't we supposed to be learning something?" Wendy shrugged.

"You aren't going to listen to me anyway; why bother?" She explained. I couldn't help but agree.

I sat idly, drawing giant T-Rex's on the black board while Wendy tapped on her phone furiously. Out of the blue, she picked up her head and addressed me.

"You and Tweek are dating?" She asked. Where did that come from?

"Wha-? No!" I yelled. "I don't like Tweek 'Like that'. Isn't that already apparent?" I quickly realized that I sort of just screwed myself over. Oh well.

"No?" She raised an eyebrow. I narrowed my eyes and shifted before repeating, "No."

"You're blushing." She stated, poking my cheek.

"Um-..." I felt my face, which was indeed unseasonably warm.

"Admit it." She demanded.

"I don't... Like... Him." I said nervously.

I glanced around the room before getting up abruptly and walking to the door. I opened the wooden slab and walked through, running into the person I least wanted to see. And apparently having a flushed red face while alone and in the presence of a cute girl can make it appear like you two were crossing the 'friend' border. Tweek screamed and pushed me, racing away.

"Tweek! The hell?" I careened after him, twisting around at odd angles to catch the lithe boy.

I found my way to the boy's bathroom, a crying Tweek in the stalls.

"Dude..." I said softly.

"Don't come near me, Tucker! Gah!" Tweek replied, throwing a pen over the stalls at me for good measure.

"What's wrong? You can tell me." I said, knocking on the door.

"I can't tell you! You'd hate me forever!" Tweek yelped, his voice choking on a sob.

"No I won't." I argued, attempting to open the locked door. Smart move, Tucker.

"... You really wanna know?" Tweek's straggled voice asked.

"Of course." I replied.

Tweek swung the bathroom stall door open with such force that I was nearly killed. Tweek opened his mouth to speak, but then clamped it back down again and set his face to mine.

In short, he shut up and kissed me.

I reared back just a little, creating leverage between us. Tweek took it as rejection, however and pulled away, a sad look in his eyes.

"I like you, -Ngh- Craig Tucker." He choked out before walking out on me.

I simply stood there for a minute, soaking in the realization of this whole thing. Tweek Tweak actually kissed me. But that's not the part that bugged the shit outta me. It was the fact that he kissed me FIRST. Wasn't I the more manly one? If we were hypothetically in a relationship, wouldn't Tweek be the 'girl'? My brain flopped over this insane paradox of epic proportions as I washed off my face, cautious to avoid my lips.

Maybe I should just come to terms with the fact that I like my best friend.

"My name is Craig Tucker," I said bluntly to the mirror. My doppleganger repeated the phrase before moving on, "And I like my best friend, Tweek Tweak." I recited my words like a poetic stanza.

"Tweek kissed me, however, and now I'm not entirely positive what I'm supposed to do. I admit I sort of liked it, but I don't know who's the 'girl' in this relationship. If we have a relationship." I explained to myself.

"My name is Craig Tucker, and I like my best friend, Tweek Tweak."

"My name is Craig Tucker and I like my best friend-"

"_AHA_!" I groaned inwardly as a familiar voice reached my ears.

_Wendy Freaking Testaburger. _


	7. The Not-So-Epic Rice Noodle War

**I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK**

_-I have a fine explanation of why my brain shorted out. I spent one whole night playing __Techno Kitten Adventure__ trying to unlock all the kittens. _

_-I love Stolovan. Good God, I am a loser._

_-After sharpening my Angst edge, (albeit the edge can only cut Play-doh and butter) I'm ready to return to humor, which is much more my forte. _

_-Thanks to everyone who's decided to stick with this story for the whole ride. All of you get little bunny stickers from Butter's scrap book._

* * *

Jesus Christ. I think life pulled a one-eighty on me, because right now, I'm sitting in study hall. One day after my confrontation with Tweek. To give you the gist of things, Wendy made it her personal duty to get me and Tweek together. So that's why in sitting next to her discussing classic love songs.

"Ooh, how about that one from the Lion King. You know '_Can You Feel The Love Tonight'?_" Wendy suggested, scribbling the name down on a piece of paper.

"I dunno. He'd probably laugh at me. Plus I can't get my voice that high." I responded, crossing it off.

"Okay then. What about that one Train song, '_Drive By_'?" Wendy asked, writing down the name.

"Tweek'd get ideas." I argued, crossing it off again. I could already imagine his dialogue after I sang it.

( "_Jesus, man! What if I AM just a 'drive by'? Oh man, that'd be way to much pressure!" _)

"Okay, well you figure out a song!" Wendy barked.

"Um... Tweek's kind of music is really... unconventional." I said nervously. Wendy raised her eyebrow.

"What kind does he like?" She leaned in closer.

"Dubstep and Metal." I replied. Tweek did love Metal and Dubstep. They somehow made his jumbled paranoid thoughts falter by adding in their own chaos. It was an unexplainable science.

"Huh." Wendy started scribbling songs on the white paper. "Take your pick." She gestured over to the paper.

At least seven songs were scribbled on, half of them being Skrillex and the other half being Three Days Grace or Asking Alexandria. I eventually chose neither, instead crossing them all off and writing my own.

'_Basshunter- All I Ever Wanted' _

Wendy looked at my writing with a confused glance before whipping out an iPhone and listening to the song on YouTube. Her lips curved into a sly grin that made me uneasy.

"Nice, Tucker. In your range, too." She smirked.

"So what's the plan, exactly?" I glanced at the teacher, who still wasn't looking in our direction.

"You're gonna throw rocks at Tweek's window, and when he opens it, you'll be all with a guitar and singing. It'll be so romantic." Wendy said like she was reading an audiobook.

I reeled back. "I'M going to sing?"

"Yep."

"..."

"..."

We stared at each other for quite a while. Wendy's eyes flitted away for a split second signaling a stalemate. I groaned.

"No way." I decided. I was NOT going to show my horrible singing to Tweek. He'd probably run away and never talk to me again. Right after he tells the school about my endeavor.

"I thought Gay guys loved singing!" She exclaimed.

I pressed a finger to my forehead. I wasn't full gay. I mean, say Tweek didn't work out, I might still find a girlfriend of sorts. As long as they twitched every now and again. Stan Marsh on the other hand LOVED singing.

"Bisexual." I decided. "I'm not full Gay. Stan, on the other hand..."

Wendy pulled back her hand and smacked me a good one right across the face. I can already feel the bright red mark. Manicure nails and all.

"Don't say that about my boyfriend." She commanded. I rolled my eyes.

"I suck at singing." I repeated, rubbing the red mark. Wendy grinned before handing me a piece of paper with some scrawled out information on it.

"Hang out with me tonight. I'll help ya." She said cockily. Before I could be an untrusting asshole, Wendy began singing the Basshunter song. Damn, she's good.

"Fine." I said. The bell rang, signaling my math class. I walked to the door, which had a piece of laminated paper that the teacher decided would 'apply to us' more than the usual encouragement crap. It was a big middle finger with the words, '_Fun With Numbers, Bitch!_' On the hand. I've tried to steal it multiple times.

"Eighty four... N-no, that can't be right! Oh, w-wait. Yes it is." I looked to the left to see Tweek working furiously on some bell work. Damn, he's already almost done.

"Hey, Tweekers." I said, taking a seat next to him.

Tweek looked at me and then turned his head away, blushing furiously. I put my hand on his shoulder and immediately felt him stiffen.

"C-Can you hang out tonight? Gah!" Tweek looked at me with those huge puppy-dog eyes.

I felt super bad. I needed to hang with Wendy. Jesus, I never thought I'd say that. But Tweek had blown me off to go with Cartman. This couldn't be half that bad. I mean, I was doing it for HIM.

"Sorry. I'm going over Wendy's." I said, feeling guilty.

Tweek's eyes watered, but they stopped abruptly. I was almost certain that I was going hallucinogenic. He forced a smile and placed a shaking hand on my shoulder. This time, I was taken aback. The white slip of paper from my pocket slipped out and fell on the ground. Before I could grab it, Tweek's hand snatched it up and nervously unfolded it.

Okay, I know how this looked now. And that paper was no help. It had Wendy's name and number on the front and the list of love songs UNDER it. The thing looked like I'd asked for her number, then started drafting the love song I'd use to woo her over. Out of my peripheral vision, Tweek was digging his own nails into his skin. He smiled however and turned away from me.

"G-good for you." He said in a small voice. Just as I was about to protest, the teacher started on her lesson.

After an hour of amazingly boring algebra, the bell signaled our lunch time. Tweek stood up and stuffed his homework in his binder. Tweek liked math. It wasn't deceitful or tricky like language or science. It was nice and straightforward, which was more than I could describe myself with.

"Come on. Let's go to lunch." I ordered.

Tweek nodded and followed me to lunch without so much as a squeak. When we arrived at the table, Token and Clyde were already in the rice-noodle war. Strings of noodles hung in Token's face and off Clyde's jacket. Both were breathing heavily and Kevin was cowering under a table. I don't blame him.

"I'm out of rice-noodles. I call stalemate!" Clyde declared.

"I'll buy you some more." Token said bluntly, pushing Clyde out of the way so he could get to the lunch line.

Kevin sighed in relief before tackle-hugging Clyde. "Holy Hell! I thought you were done for."

Clyde grinned cockily, "And let that black asshole win? I think not." He slung an arm around Kevin. I made note that he didn't exactly try and push Kevin out of their hug.

"Yeah." Kevin agreed, a clear blush lighting his olive skin.

"Jesus, -Ngh- What happened?" Tweek nearly screamed, around seventy paper towels in his hands.

Clyde accepted the towels gratefully, pulling noodles out of his hair. "Token got pissed because I was hanging out with Kevin for one night." He explained. "So he threw bunches of rice noodles at me."

"Oodles and oodles of noodles." Kevin agreed.

Token arrived only moments later, rice-noodles absent from his hand. He looked at Clyde with a rough expression. Clyde tightened his grip on Kevin.

"So it's come to this." Token hissed.

"You forgot the noodles. If you want, we can go to City Wok and get some." Clyde murmured.

"This isn't about noodles!" Token growled, yanking Clyde's shirt collar towards his own and pressing their lips together. Clyde's eyes widened to the size of saucers while Token's were shut tight. After not long, Token pulled away, shoving Clyde onto Kevin.

"There. You keep a book full of all your firsts, right? There's your first gay kiss." Token said, venom dripping in his voice. He gave Clyde one last glance before stomping off. Clyde made no attempt to stop him, only staring ahead with a guilt-stricken face.

I decided to continue lunch as normal, albeit the table was set in an awkward silence. Soon, the bell rang. Just as I was about to leave the lunchroom, Clyde gripped my jacket and yanked me so close, I could hear him whisper:

"That wasn't my first."


	8. Rainbow Dash, Wing-Pony of The Year

**I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK**

_Author's Notes:_

_-Ahaha! I am not dead, bros! I lost sleep over this little story like, "WHAT AM I GONNA DO? WHAT IF IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH AND THE FANFICTION READERS ALL RIOT AGAINST ME AND SHOOT ME IN MY SLEEP! TO MUCH PRESSURE!" So, yeah. I had a little Tweek freak out. _

_-Quick story, actually. Me and my good friend watched MLP and it's actually not that bad. So I decided to put some MLP Easter eggs in here. _

_-This is NOT the last chapter. It's second last. The last chapter will actually be following Clyde and Kevin. So technically, if you don't like Stolovan, this is the last chapter. _

_-Sone of the fluffiest shit I've ever written is up ahead. _

* * *

"Wendy, get your ass to the door!" I called in. "I'm freezing."

After FIVE more minutes Wendy decided that I might get hypothermia or whatever and decided to let me defrost. She gave me a cheeky grin before beckoning me to her room. As I walked in, I swear my gayness scale went up about twenty. It was pink. Very, very, pink.

Neon walls enclosed the small space, with dark pink bed sheets and curtains. Cute little white stuffed bears inhabited the room, peering out warily from the corners of her various dressers and vanities. And get this; a rainbow pony. A shirt with a rainbow pony, along with a wristband and stuffed animal, sat in the corner. On one of her little walls was a push-pin board, decorated with various pictures of her and Stan. Each of them had Kyle in it, too.

Fags.

You're one to speak, Tucker. Look at yourself. You're so damn desperate that you're going to WENDY for help.

I reached for the pony stuffy and sat it down on my lap, subconsciously petting down it's yarn mane. Feeling that the rest of the pony was getting unfair treatment, I began petting the back and chest. Finally I ended my petting by smoothing out the tail, my fingers running through the 'hair'. Wendy smirked as she watched me with interest.

"You would like the RAINBOW pony." She giggled. It was so high pitched and feminine that it made me want to shove a puppy into a meat grinder. But I'm keeping the pony.

"Shut up. He's cool." I pulled the stuffed horse closer to me to make a point.

"It's a she."

"Huh?"

Wendy facepalmed. "HER name is Rainbow Dash. It's a female pony. Not a colt."

I twisted the pony so that I could see the underbelly. Okay, that wasn't a guy pony. Lesson learned. The pony wasn't very happy with my bold action, and decided to buck at me with her back hooves. Wendy gave that puppy-killing laugh again. I couldn't see why she'd let all those little animals suffer.

"You two make nice now." She set her hand to Rainbow Dash's muzzle, calming her. Dash looked back at me to apologize for smacking me in the face, and I apologized for checking 'Veterinarian Only' places.

"Me and Dash are cool." I confirmed.

"Tell you what; I'll give you that pony if you declare your love for Tweek. Tonight." Wendy's lips curved into a cunning smile.

"Tonight?" I looked down at Dash for reassurance. Her violet eyes just stared up at me.

"Mhm."

This was nerve-wracking. I would LOVE to go an do whatever Wendy said, be Tweek's prince in shining armor, AND get this rainbow-tastic pony... But tonight? I realized that through all of this, I'd been petting Dashie furiously. I wonder what'd it be like to pet Tweek's hair like that... Okay, that's it. I'm doing this.

"What do you have in mind?" I asked. Wendy smirked and I was about to go back on my decision, but she interrupted me.

"Like we planned earlier. You're gonna woo Tweek over with your manly wiles." She said.

"So I have to sing?"

"Yep." Girls have the strangest perception of 'manly' these days. I mean, really. If they think Harry Styles is manly... Then there is no hope for humanity.

"Goddammit." I was dying to use my middle finger, but if Wendy bailed on me, I might have to get help with Cartman or Kenny. Or God forbid, Stan the Hippie.

"Okay, so..."

"I don't want to sing." I pouted.

"Save it for Tweekers, then. I'll grab the acoustic, you do vocals." She commanded. I froze, boring my eyes into her skin. Wendy whipped around and narrowed her own violet-ish eyes.

"What?"

"That's _my_ nickname. Steal it, and Dashie and I will hurt you." I said prominently. Wendy grinned before snatching up the guitar and heading out the door. Alright, nothing to do now but confess my love for Tweek and sing him a love song!

Shitshitshitshit_shit_! I can't do this. Nope. I don't care how much I want Tweek and that pony.

Wendy gripped my wrists and yanked me unceremoniously out her door, despite my protests. Somehow, she knew EXACTLY where Tweekers lived. I knew throwing stones at the lithe boy's window would terrify him, so instead, I threw my rainbow pony. Soon, I heard a disgruntled, "_ARG! It wants to kill me!"_

Perfect. I had his attention. I flicked my thumb up and Wendy began strumming chords. Where did she learn this shit? Tweek poked his small head out the door. Now or never, Craig.

Jesus Christ. You know how there's that saying, 'butterflies in the stomach'? Well, I think those butterflies are doing construction on my inners. Like, building a skyscraper or some shit like that. Pinching myself to take my stomach flips off, I began to make some sort of tune.

'_Oh all I ever wanted was to see you smiling, oh all I ever wanted was to make you mine. _

My voice came out nasally and awkward. This sucks.

_I know that I love you, oh Tweeky why don't you see, that all I ever wanted was you and me.' _

(I was ninety eight percent sure that if I used the word 'baby' Tweek would freak out to unseen levels.) Tweek had a goofy smile on his face when he looked at me and I almost missed the next verse because of it. Yeah, he's smiling.

'_I'm so alone, here on my own. Oh, I'm waiting for you to call. I want to be, a part of you, think of all things we could do. _

_And every day, you're in my head. I want you in my-'_

"I get it! God oh Jesus! Stop!" Tweek cut me off. I sighed in relief. Thank God. I didn't want to sing that last part, lest it make things more awkward than 'cute'.

I nervously snorted. How was I supposed to do this? What did they do in movies? This, was way to much pressure.

... Don't I sound like a certain twitchy blonde now? Ha ha...

"Thanks. I didn't want to sing that part." I ended up saying awkwardly.

"You sing-"

"Bad. I know. Don't rub it in, blondie." I cracked an embarrassed smile in his direction. Tweek gave me a confused glance before ducking out of the window and shutting it.

God-Shitting-Dammit! I knew this was going to be a futile attempt. I mean, sure, I could be interesting to look at, but my singing only rivaled a kitten squealing in pain. I pressed a hand to my head and sighed. Of COURSE this had to happen to me. I mean really. And- wait, is that Tweek?

Tweek Tweak walked out the door, through his yard and up to me. Jesus, was he going to beat me up, too? My life sucks.

"I thought y-your -Arg- singing was nice." He said after quite a few gay babies were born.

I would've loved to reply with some sarcastic comment, but I didn't get a chance to. See, the thing about kissing is... Well it's not always easy to speak.

Tweek pressed forward uncertainly, and instead of creating leverage, I pressed back. Thin arms found their way to my neck as Tweek used it so he didn't lose his balance. (He stood at my shoulders). Suddenly, Tweek settled back down on his heels and brought an end to the kiss. Now as much as I don't like to act like a lovesick sap, I really wanted to shout something. Like, "**VICTORY FOR CRAIG TUCKER, BITCHES!" **

Instead I went with a generic, "I love you."

Wendy gave a much-unneeded "Aww." Killing puppies, Wendy. Think of the puppies. Actually, I think Wendy owes me a certain rainbow pony. I trotted to the ground where Rainbow Dash landed and gently pulled her up, brushing the landscaping out of her mane. "Thanks for being my wing-pony." I whispered under my breath. I could've sworn Dash gave a tiny snort in response.

"A p-pony? THAT'S what you -Gah!- threw at m-my window?" Tweek scrunched his brow cutely. I smirked and continued clearing the dirt from her mane.

"Not just any pony, Tweeky." (Pet name alert! Craig is being cutesy, call the presses!). "This is Rainbow Dash. She's a PEGASUS pony." I rubbed my thumb over Dash's wing to make a point.

"Talking about Ponies... You've earned her, Tucker." Wendy gave me a smile. Maybe Wendy wasn't such a bad person after all. "Now that you and Tweekers are an item-"

"Tweek." I corrected her rudely.

"Tweek." She repeated, "I can help you with your hair and stuff for dates! Oh, maybe a heavy puff coat? That'd work well with your crooked posture. Oh, and maybe some jeans to complement your ass."

"Wendy..." I warned.

"Not that you really HAVE an ass to complement, but-"

"_Wendy_!" Jesus, she's acting worse than my mom! Does she WANT to embarrass me in front of Tweek? Scratch my earlier comment, she's pure evil.

Tweek giggled happily. Not like the usual scratchy mess that was his voice, but an actual laugh. I melted right then and there. Tweek stopped laughing and gave me a quick hug. Yep. I'm just a pile of melted Craig on the dirt right now.

"Maybe I should've gone to Wendy! Gah! She works much better than -Arg- Cartman. Plus, I bet she didn't charge you!" Tweek said. Cartman? The janitor just mopped me off the ground and re-built me.

"Cartman?"

"Um- yeah. He was s-sort of helping me. Sort of. I paid him ten dollars a week to get me with you and- AUGH! I must sound desperate! I'msosorry!" Tweek blubbered.

I cocked my head slightly. "Well, guess who's getting ten dollars from a beat-up fatass?" I questioned.

"Questions! Too much pressure! Ngh!" Tweek threw his hand into his hair, nervously tugging at it.

"I'll give you a hint. He's sweet and smart and loyal. He has messy blonde hair that I absolutely LOVE, and the cutest ticks ever." I grinned.

"Thomas?" I facepalmed.

"No, smart one! You!" Tweek took that moment to give me a flying hug.

"I love you, Craig." Tweek buried his head in my chest. Yep. Back to melted Craig.

"I love you too, Tweekers."

XXX

"That'll be twenty-one ninety-five." I'm currently paying at Hot Topic for Tweek's Valentines Day gift. It really doesn't matter if he gets anything for me, but I think he would really like this.

"Sure." I handed the lady her money and trotted off without taking my receipt. If Tweek didn't want this, than Ruby might.

The only bad thing is that I couldn't get the one I wanted. Whatever. I'm sure my little blonde will still like it.

I hurried over to Tweek's house, knocking on the door furiously. Unlike Wendy, Tweek actually opened the door BEFORE I got frostbite. Tweek let me in with a hug before hopping up to his room like an excited butterfly. Once I walked in his room, I took a seat on his computer desk chair whilst he occupied his bed.

"Happy Valentines day, Craig!" Tweek grinned ear-to-ear.

"Yeah. Hey, I got you something." I pulled at the bag I had balanced on my lap.

"Um- me too!" Tweek smiled brightly.

I threw him the bag with a soft, "Here". Tweek accepted the white plastic case and opened it, eyes wide. Inside was a pale yellow pony stuffed animal. I WANTED to get him a rainbow one like mine, but he'd have to do with this one. This one was also a girl. I didn't check, but Dashie and Wendy reassured me. Apparently, her name was Fluttershy. Tweek shoved his nose in the pink mane, giggling cheerfully.

"It's a pony! Like yours, -Gah!- but m-mine is cuter." Tweek bragged.

I stuck my tongue out at him, a very un-Craig like thing to do. "Mine's cooler." I said, mentally comparing the two.

"By how much?"

"About Twenty-Percent cooler."

Tweek gave me a quick hug and a peck on the nose before reaching over the side of his bed. What he pulled out was by far the most amazing present I had ever received. Besides Stripe, of course. It was a laminated piece of glory that could be rivaled by little.

Tweek Tweak stole me the 'Fun With Numbers' middle finger. God, I have the best little blonde ever.


	9. My Favorite Part

**I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK**

_Author's Notes:_

_-BOUNUS Chapter! _

_-This chapter is about Clyde and Kevin, so read at your own whim._

_-Thank you for reading this WHOLE fic. I love you with all my thumbs, which I used to type this on my iPhone._

_-Any reviewers, whether it be for this chapter, or past chapters, get little pony stickers! _

* * *

"_That wasn't my first._"

Clyde settled down on a chair, throwing in Air Buddies for him and Kevin to watch. After a short title sequence, the movie began. Talking dogs? Why not. Kevin sitting under his arm? Sure, he could do that.

"Token was pretty upset about you hanging out with me." Clyde stated bluntly. The last thing he wanted to do was remind Kevin about how disappointed Token was about coming over, but his mouth said otherwise.

Kevin stiffened under Clyde's shoulder, "I know. I'm sorry if I ruined your friendship or something." Kevin murmured.

"Nonsense, Kev. Token's just a sour black asshole who pouts when he doesn't get what he wants. I think it's a rich kid thing." Clyde snorted, hugging his friend closer.

Kevin allowed himself to be engulfed by the sweet smell of Taco Bell as he leaned into Clyde. After some time, Clyde scrunched his eyebrows together. He looked down at their compromising position. Kevin was under his arm, his head settling on his chest, and his hand absentmindedly clutching his coat. Clyde also absently noticed that he himself was subconsciously nuzzling his nose into Kevin's black hair.

"Dude." He muttered, achieving Kevin's attention.

"Yeah?"

"Isn't this... Isn't this a little gay?" Clyde said awkwardly.

"Aren't we all a little gay?" Kevin laughed nervously. He was enjoying this and he was disappointed for his friend to possibly push him off. Clyde was comforting and sweet, and Kevin wanted to rest on his friends' broad chest for a little while longer.

"I suppose so. I know Craigie's all homo for Tweek." Clyde mused.

"So... Um-" Kevin trailed off. He didn't think asking 'Hey, do you think we could be all homo for each other too?' would make Clyde particularly comfortable.

"What?" Clyde asked softly.

"Do ya think that maybe we... Nevermind. Forget I said anything." Kevin sighed.

"Maybe we could possibly, completely hypothetically, go out and have it be all 'happily ever after'? Yeah. I think so." Clyde said awkwardly.

"So then should we... Er-..."

"Kiss? Maybe."

"So..."

Kevin trailed off as a pair of lips met his own. Awkward? Yes. Completely amazingly awesome? Also yes. Clyde pulled back happily, allowing a very flustered Kevin to get a grip. The puppies on screen were now settled in barrels, ready to go down a ramp.

"Oh! This is my favorite part!" Clyde said cheerfully.

"Mine too."


End file.
